Halloweenery

This is my Halloween costume from last year.  I went as an electric chair escapee,  and it pretty much rocked.  You can't really make out the helmet in this picture,  but it was a masterpiece of a metal bowl, leather belts,  a drain stopper,  wires, and a long phone cord.  I was really proud of it -- it was very convincing.

At any rate,  I went out for drinks with my friend Jayson last year,  and looking around the club I was at,  noticed that I was the only female in the entire place not sporting a slutty costume.  I started to actually feel a little self-conscious over how trampy I didn't look!

My favourites were the girls who dressed as Slutty Axl Rose and Slutty Slash,  but there were also slutty witches,  slutty devils,  even one girl dressed as a slutty bee.  I gotta be honest...  the slutty bee confused me a little.  After all,  a bee colony consists of drones (the males), workers (asexual females) and queens.  Queens are the only female bees who really get any action,  and they are repulsive huge pulsating Jabba The Hutt-like entities who sit in the middle of the hive and lay eggs nonstop.  Anyway,  the queen bee is the only slutty bee,  and she's just not that sexy by human standards...  but I digress.

I guess I decided I wanted to just once have my own slutty costume,  just to see what all the fuss was about.  I got to talking with my sister about what I should dress as,  and one of the ideas that she tossed out was Slutty Alex DeLarge -- sort of a form-fitted take on the famous droog's uniform.  Well,  it was about then that I realized I DID want to go as Alex... but... not Slutty Alex (well -- unless you take into account that the guy was a serial rapist).  Accurate Alex!  Worse yet,  I want to use my androgynous body to my advantage for once and go as a male human dressed as Alex DeLarge.  Yeah,  I don't think I'll ever have a slutty costume.  It's probably for the best...  nobody needs to see that!

The best part about this costume is that I have just about everything I need in my closet already,  with the exception of the bloody eyeball cuffs and of course the codpiece (no really,  I don't have a cricket jockstrap just laying around).

I went to Value Village in hopes of finding some inspiration as to what I was going to fashion that infernal codpiece out of,  and that's where I found it...  a negligee in the perfect shade of beige.  All I would have to do would be to make a padded belt with a bit of an extension in the front,  tuck in an athletic cup,  et voila!

I took my find to the counter where I met a rather jaded cashier.  She gave me a condescending look and said "I don't know why people buy this stuff.  I am soooo sketch about used underwear."

"Oh no,  it's not like that!"  I replied.  "It's for the codpiece I'm making!"

Yeah,  her jaw pretty much hit the floor,  and I left without explaining myself.  Good times.  Anyway,  expect pictures of the costume a little closer to Halloween!  What's everyone else going as?