Dare to Compare!

If ever my ego starts getting too big, you need only point to a little facebook application known as "Compare People" to knock me clean off my pedestal. My current Compare People claim to fame is that I am the fourth-most preferred person in my network to be stuck on a desert island with. And here's me without a prepared acceptance speech!

You tolerate me! You really tolerate me!

Okay, okay, so really my standings don't actually bother me. My real complaint with this application is that every time I use it, it manages to bring up my two cousins and ask me which one I would rather sleep with. I've got 79 people on my friends list for it to choose from, yet every single time it manages to pit my cousins against each other in a bid for my incestuous love. Thank heavens for the "skip" button, although a "burn my eyes out and shower me with disinfectant" button would be useful on those occasions as well. The developers would be well advised to keep that in mind for Compare People Version 2.0. Honestly, the only reason I can think of for Compare People's constant repetition of that question is that the application itself is actually a sentient being. A SENTIENT BEING THAT ENJOYS WATCHING ME PUKE IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE EVERY TIME IT ASKS ME WHICH OF MY RELATIVES I'D RATHER BED!

Ahem.

You are a dick, Compare people. A total dick. So why do I not delete you, you heinous application? Oh, come on. We both know I'm addicted. I don't know why seeing two pictures of my friends side by side and having to choose which one has the most hair or is least likely to be rabid is so therapeutic to me, but it is. Oh Compare People, how could I stay mad at you? My applications are like my children...

And you dear Compare People, are my second-favorite child. Right after Graffiti Wall.

Fourth-most preferred on a desert island my ASS.